SOL17...Dealing With a Headache...Again.

Another Day, Another Headache

     I rolled over in bed and felt it, an intense pressure behind my left eye and as I raised my arm above my head, the pressure intensified. Today was going to be a very rough day. I hadn't even opened my eyes yet, I didn't want to. I knew the room was completely dark, but it was still going to hurt. I turned the alarm off and laid still for another beat, slowly breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth, bracing myself for the moment I had to get up. Finally, when I knew I couldn't wait any longer, I slowly opened my eyes. Just as I'd said, the room was pitch black, but I still felt the sting as my eyelids lifted. 

     I've dealt with migraine headaches for as long as I can remember. When I was little and refused to take medicine, my mom would make me sip coffee while an ice pack was strapped to my forehead. As I got older, I learned to take the necessary medicine, but it still wasn't pleasant. It always felt like too much. My mom always told me, "It's better to just take the medicine when you need it and feel better than sit around dealing with a headache all day." I never liked taking it though. Besides, it didn't always help my headaches anyway, so what was the point? Sometimes, I was forced to take something every day, multiple times a day. When I was in high school, I rebelled. I refused to take anything for a headache, no matter how bad it was. That was hell. Absolute hell.

     In more recent years, I've simply learned what my triggers might be and avoided them as best I could. I track my sleep, my food, my medicine, my workouts, everything. I know not to wear my hair in a ponytail very long (even if it is loose), no headbands EVER, wearing sunglasses or hats, eating too much, not eating enough, too much sleep, not enough sleep, laying on the couch, using the wrong pillow, too much light, heavy jewelry, extreme heat, blah blah blah...the list goes on forever. Then there are weird things, like dairy. I could eat pasta and it would cause a headache three days later. How am I supposed to track stuff like that? Even avoiding all that, I never know if it will really work. And I still don't like taking medicine, so sometimes I'll take a gamble hoping the headache will go away on it's own, and then it just gets worse. 

     This morning for example, I'd gotten a full nights sleep, used the right pillow, and felt totally calm and relaxed going to bed. Yet here I was, crawling out of bed with my eyes tightly closed because even in the dark opening them was painful. Every step I took was another hammer to my head. As I made my way to the kitchen, I tried breaking apart how much time I had to get my head straight before having to get up. Thankfully it was Saturday, so I didn't need to be at work. It was 5:15 now and I had to be up to give Charlie breakfast by 7:30. If I took my medicine immediately, maybe by 6 I'd be able to move around without it being so painful. Maybe. 

     I found a face mask in the freezer and pulled it down over my head, resting it on my forehead. It was a blue gel mask that went over your eyes with little slits cut out so you could still see while wearing it. David always said it was my superhero mask. I took my medicine and then went to lay back in bed. I could feel my eyelids every time I blinked and even that left me in tears, I had no intention of staying out of bed if I absolutely didn't have to. As my head hit the pillow, I let out a long drawn out breath. It hurt too much today. I had no illusion that I'd be able to fall back asleep again, but at least I had no immediate reason I needed to be up, and for that I was thankful. I started going through different breathing exercises I'd used over the years. One breath in...hold it....one breath out. Don't think. Don't move. One breath in....hold it...another out.